so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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