I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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