rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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