remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
