I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
