I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
