No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
