You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
