i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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