12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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