Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
