yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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