I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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