You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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