I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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