When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
