I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
