u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
