I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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