So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i barfeds in our rink
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
