I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
