Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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