But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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