by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
