my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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