Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
