bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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