By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
