On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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