you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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