when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
