I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
