dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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