CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
