so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dear god my vagina.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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