it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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