covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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