I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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