dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
