Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
