I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
