So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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