I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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