hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
