man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
