i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
