There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
