Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
