At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Damn victory sex feels great
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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