My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
