We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
