We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
