Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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