Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
